The Insider Guide to Careers
Insider information, secrets and tips about getting hired and building careers. For employees and job candidates.
Just a couple of months into my job as an HR Business Partner, the VP of HR on my team quit. The CXO who oversaw one of the largest technology companies in the world wanted to connect with someone in HR immediately and called me over. He was known as one of the sharpest minds and toughest people to work with in Silicon Valley. I knew of other VPs and SVPs who were outright scared of meeting him. However, I had a strategy to connect with him.
He was a no-nonsense kind of person. He was all about accountability and results. I decided that there would be no small talk when I met him. I did not really talk to others in HR to get some tips, I decided to create my own play book. I had some critical issues to raise with him. The most common feedback in Corporate America is the “Sandwich model”. This basically means a starting compliment, followed by critical feedback and closing with additional compliments. The idea is that most people remember the beginning and end, and therefore you want to pass on the message in a non-threatening manner.
I always suspected that there was something wrong with this approach. Senior leaders have no time for BS and games. These are the people who will evaluate you in less than a minute. If you do not meet expectations, that will be the last meeting you have with them. For most people, giving feedback to their leaders or subordinates is one of the most difficult tasks of being a manager.
Where traditional feedback goes awry:
Traditional sandwich feedback has too many problems, starting with it being insincere. Nobody takes the first compliment seriously as they are bracing for the worst to come. The feedback is generally stinging and caustic and makes the recipient defensive. Then, a fake compliment comes in the end to recover some of the damage caused. I generally do not understand why many managers are so imbecile when giving feedback. Managers turn a professional issue into something personal and allow their emotions to overwhelm them. The recipient feels terrible at the end of it.
A true manager is like a friend who gives constructive feedback. There must be a great amount of trust between the employee and the manager. Ideally, the day the strong feedback is given should be the culmination of multiple rounds of feedback in the past. Not a single word should be a surprise to the employee. They should know that they have been treated fairly.
How to ace the conversation:
One way to show that the manager cares is by showing that they have done a lot of homework, not to collect data on what went wrong, but on where the employee can improve. Sadly, American labour law sometimes forces management and HR to be more adversarial to the employee than they normally would because of legal repercussions and the rampant suing culture. Managers are often more concerned with covering their tracks and following the motions rather than trying to help employees. The fact that one can always find good talent outside makes all employees dispensable.
The manager should never fake their care for the employee. Humans have been evolutionarily primed for millions of years to trace any dishonesty in action or words. Always tell the truth and do not fake concern. If the manager is bout to deliver harsh feedback, do have someone in the room that the employee trusts. Discuss your approach and strategy with that person in advance. Use words like “the person in the role” rather than “you” often to emphasize that the feedback is about the position and not necessarily the individual person.
If you have cared for and helped the employee in the past, they will not dread the tough conversations. This will lighten the mood for both the employee and manager. Approach the person as a well-wisher and not as a manager. If possible, talk about your own personal experience and how working on feedback made you a better person, and you are paying it forward. When giving feedback, accept the fact that there may be more than one perspective to all the observations. Give time for the other person to respond and listen without interrupting the employee. Do not turn feedback sessions into a slanging match.
Different messages for different people:
To the leader group above you: When you are talking to a leader, try to be as concise as possible and get to the point fast. Begin with the fact that you are giving feedback and why you want to be the person giving it. Talk about how much you care and back it up with data. Talk about the number of meetings you had to pull up the feedback and the extra mile you have travelled (beyond regular work) to make it all come together. No leader refuses to listen to a person who genuinely cares about their success and their team’s success. Share some interesting insight based on your observations, which the leader would appreciate. It should be something unique. After that, share your feedback by depersonalizing it and showing a path to how the solutions can be arrived at. Do not just talk about what is not working, but share your thoughts on how the solution can also emerge. Of course, the leader may not follow your solutions, but they would appreciate that someone has taken the time to make life easier for them. They could even pick up some interesting viewpoints from your solutions. After giving constructive feedback, reiterate that you would be around to help in any way possible.
To employees below you: When you talk to people below you, you have a lopsided power dynamic working against you. Whatever you say will be dissected a hundred times and meanings read into it. This is where it is better to begin with a compliment in their scenario. You want to assuage the person on the other end that you are not about to fire them. However fake it may seem to you, compliments would be received very well by the receiver. Again, follow the tips I mentioned earlier: be sincere, give regular feedback and do not play games behind the employee’s back. Everybody knows that they will not be around forever in the company, and work is inherently transactional in nature. However, humans want to be treated fairly, and when not treated that way, it can go a long way to take revenge. Share examples of what you liked in their work before jumping into constructive feedback. Share best practices and how others would have solved the issue. Offer to guide and walk with the person on the journey. Nobody is a born CEO; everybody picks up each and every skill at different levels of the company gradually and inside a nurturing environment. Close by offering your help.
To end my beginning story, my first meeting went superbly well. Even when a new VP of HR offered to be the business partner, the leader preferred to work with me instead. There was a high amount of trust during the entire time we worked together. The takeaway is to thoughtfully follow any business paradigm by customizing it to the needs and requirements of your perspective.
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